Are there people in your social network who never reciprocate?  These are the people you’ve invited to go out time and time again but never extend any social offers to you in return.  Or, they’re the one who always seems to have left their wallet at home or in their car when it’s time to buy the next round of drinks.

If you don’t have a friend like this, chances are excellent that you are that friend.

I have a friend of a little over 2 years who doesn’t reciprocate.  We’ve gone on short road trips, gone to clubs and seen movies, gone out to eat together.  We’re in an organization with each other, and we live within walking distance of each other.  The thing is, I don’t think she doesn’t want to be friends.  I think she doesn’t realize she’s that friend.

I stopped inviting her out to do things when I realized she had extended an invitation to me only once in 2 years and almost always declined my invitations.  It grew to be so long since I’d invited her anywhere, I’d completely forgotten why I’d stopped inviting her in the first place.  But I quickly remembered why when I extended another offer and she declined.  I won’t make the mistake of inviting her somewhere again.

Reciprocating is easy.  Here are a few ways you can stop being that friend immediately:

• Start small. Suggest meeting for lunch or for drinks after work.  Don’t drink?  Don’t worry.  Most places that have great happy hours also have delicious food specials.  Mangia!
• Pick up the tab occasionally. I said occasionally.  If you know a friend’s had a hard day or week, surprise that friend by treating him or her to a meal or their first cocktail of the night.
• Invite friends over to your place. Have a game night, Wii night, movie night, knitting night - whatever you and your circle of friends enjoy doing.  It doesn’t have to be extravagant.  Pop some popcorn, break out the board games, and crack open a bottle of wine.
• Pick up the phone or hit the “send” button.  Are you the friend who never calls or writes?  One-sided friendships get old quick.  Get in touch - even if it’s one line: “Hey, what’s up?”
• Bring something. Are you the person who always shows up empty-handed and leaves with a plate?  Or only shows up with empty Tupperware - and leaves with it filled up?  There are some inexpensive wines that are tasty, or bring a store-bought dessert.  Just contribute something occasionally.
• Offer to drive. Is someone always coming to pick you up?  Do you ever offer to drive?  If you don’t have a vehicle, you’re not off the hook - offer to put some gasoline in your friend’s car.  He or she may politely decline your gasoline offer, but they’ll always remember that you appreciated them enough to offer.

Reciprocating shows that you’re aware of yourself and your surroundings and that you appreciate others.  If you’re that friend who never reciprocates, you are limiting yourself in ways you might not even be aware of.  It will cost you friendships, relationships, promotions, future offers, opportunities, and invites.  And people do talk - we know that you are always the taker in a social relationship.  You have to be a giver sometimes, too.

My dad is fond of saying “there’s no free lunch,” and he’s right.  In the end, not reciprocrating social courtesies will cost you far more than that $8 cocktail you got for “free.”