I recently wrote about friends who don’t reciprocate and listed several ways that those friends can give their social awareness a jump start.

But what should the person always extending himself or herself do?  The way I see it, you have three options: 

1.  Ignore their faux pas

Hey, you’re the super cool, laid back type.  Everything rolls off your back - everyone’s annoying habits, their quirks, or their outright rudeness.  You simply don’t care.  At all.  About anything.  Ever.  There’s not much to say here.  You’ve made a choice to ignore it, and you’re sticking to it.  Let me know how that works for you.

2.  Let it slide and silently seethe (AKA “the slide-and-seethe”)

The trouble is, ignoring the issue is a slippery slope.  What if you actually start to care?  You can find yourself in a “slide-and-seethe” situation.

What happens if you decide to take the slide-and-seethe route?  I have a friend who didn’t reciprocate when it came to driving.  I drove us everywhere; picked her up; took her home.  I ignored it for a long time; didn’t think about, really.  When I realized what our situation had become, I felt unappreciated but said nothing.  There came a Final Straw, and I lost it.  I told my friend that I needed some time to cool off and didn’t speak to her for about 3 months.

Long story short, our friendship was severely damaged.  It still hasn’t recovered fully and probably won’t.  That’s the risk you take when you opt to let it slide and seethe silently.

3.  Confront your friend about the situation

There are people who fear confrontation and avoid it at all costs.  These people think confrontation is a bad thing or that it has to be an unpleasant experience.  The truth is that confrontation is a healthy way address an issue, instead of stewing in anger and resentment.

In my situation, I should have politely confronted my friend.  It could have been as simple as “Hey, could you give me 5 bucks for gas occasionally?” - but I didn’t.  I didn’t want to have to ask; I wanted her to just offer, but people can’t read minds.  A small confrontation could have saved our friendship. Clearly, the slide-and-seethe method does no one any favors.

So which route do you choose?

We all have faults and sometimes fall short of being a good friend.  In my circle, we always say “if folks knew better, they’d do better.”  So which route do you choose?  Ask yourself what can you live with and how long can you live with it.

Confrontation works the best for me, regardless of whether I’m on the giving end or the receiving end.  If I were doing something to offend a friend, I would want to know so I could remedy the situation.

Ultimately, you have to consider your personality, your friend’s personality, but most importantly - have a clear picture in mind of the outcome you’re looking for and tailor your decision to your desired outcome.