I could have never met my best friends
February 4, 2009I miss my friends. Terribly.
My two closest friends - Will and D - live elsewhere. Actually, I guess I’m the one who really lives elsewhere. I’m the one who’s moved. Twice.
Will, whom I’ve known longer, is still in Virginia. He’s a friend and brother all rolled up into one. We’ve been friends for 7 years now and seen each other at our best and worst. (I’m not just tossing out a tired cliché here. Take this literally.) And we’re so similar that sometimes it’s like talking to a male version of myself.
Will actually lived right across the hall from me in our dorm building, Dominion Hall, for about 4 months before we even spoke to each other. I’d see him at the elevator, or see him walking to or from our building, but we never really spoke. Perhaps a quick “hello” or nod of acknowledgment as we passed each other, but that was about it.
Each of us later found ourselves joining complementary organizations on campus, and that’s when we actually met despite having lived across the hall from each other for so long. He went from being a stranger to being my road dog and confidant in 0 to 60. So while fate sort of flung us together, had we not found out how we were similar, I wouldn’t be writing about this at all.
And then there’s D. Not even 3 years ago, we met on the internet on a discussion board for members of our sorority (shout out to RZ). Our friendship is a testament to the power of being part of a community and plugged into a network. When I found out that I was moving to Texas - where I knew absolutely no one - I put a message out on the board, and she replied and suggested meeting up. We became friends immediately.
Another testament to the power of collaboration: D remembered that I used to work in PR and called to ask me for advice on a situation. That conversation ended up turning into a partnership in a business endeavor that paid great dividends for each of us. Yet another a testament that tapping into your network pays off.
She and I have way more differences than similarities. (She might have a differing opinion on this, which I just might ask her about because now I’m curious.) But those differences complemented each other. It worked out great, especially when we ran a company together. We each brought something different to the table in a way that just worked.
Best of all, though, D was my go-to girl when it came to being out and about in Houston. Lunch? Sure, let’s go. Dinner and drink after work? Meet you at Benjy’s in 20. Road trip? Let’s go.
I keep using the word “network,” but I don’t want you think networking is all about business. It’s not. Every relationship in life, I think, starts with finding out what you have in common with the next person and building on it. I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind while wandering around this tiny town.
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I almost didn’t meet my best friend either! I met him in Gospel Choir, and a week later He saw me passed out drunk in the middle of a party. instead of judging me, he helped me get home. We’ve been close ever since… wow how the times pass. I see him once every few months. Distance and friendship suck!
you got it right, Kendall: SHOWING UP–even when you don’t feel like it; even when you’d rather hole up; especially when some part of you says GO!
So, GO, people–show up for your people–there’s GOLD out there!
Showing up is reeeeally hard sometimes, Dyana. A fellow CFCer is hosting a party at a lounge in NYC in a couple of weeks and while it’d be great to see him and meet some new folks, I’m really struggling about whether or not to go. It’s so far away. Other factors, too.
I’ll keep your advice (and possibly my own?) in mind and try to convince myself to attend.
tune in with yourself closer to the event time. Some things I ask are:
who’s gonna be there?
do I have the energy to invest?
am I rested and nourished enough to have extra for others?
at first glance, does it feel REALLY good to say YES?
You’ll know just what to do and when to do it:)
kendall, you must go, if only so i can vicariously attend through you. oh to be so close to new york and NOT go to a party? you will love it once you get there.
Hmmmm…. for the record, I believe we have more differences than similarities. We have the common similarities: black, women, tall, outgoing, beautiful need I go on? But we have some GREAT differences that are close to polar opposite. You’re athletic… I might run in the rain IF I don’t have an umbrella. You are in tune with your creativity, I am REALLY close to square (its okay for me to say it). You are from all over the US… I am from Texas. I could go on, but it is safe to say that I find them completely refreshing. I miss ya!
Another one: You hate to pay for parking… I will valet in a heartbeat… ha!
This was interesting to read. So true though that you never know where life is going to take you to meet the individuals that are in your life today. I almost forgot that you literally lived right across from me and especially at such a “diverse” university (hey did we ever discuss the “new” Ms. Mason at Homecoming?) you would think the “coloreds” would speak to each other more often and more in depth. Regardless, although you may 2 or 300 miles away you are always there when you need to be and I hope I am the same for you. Thanks my friend.