So everyone’s talking about Nadya Suleman, the mother of the octuplets born in California.  I had absolutely no plans to mention this on Social Tools. It’s not the kind of topic we’d normally cover here, but this topic came up at the dinner party I attended on Saturday night and the conversation got fairly heated.

(I also just finished reading a piece by Bonnie Fuller called, “Help! Someone Save the Octuplets from Their Mom.”  Read it. It’s good.  It’s what reminded me of the dinner party conversation and spurred me to write this.)

One member of the party - a woman, a doctor - thought it was morally reprehensible for the fertility doctor to implant all of those embryos in a woman who already had six children at home. I happened to agree because of the living situation of the pre-existing family: 6 children and 3 adults living in a 3 bedroom house. 

Another member of the dining party - another woman, another doctor - said who was the doctor to say she couldn’t have as many children as she wants? What if the government started legislating how many children people were able to have and under what circumstances?

(I thought the second woman’s argument was a little off base, though. Judges have ordered women not to have more children and men not to father more children in certain circumstances. Is it better for someone to say, “You shouldn’t bring any more children into the world, at least not right now” or is it better for a child to go without or be neglected once they’ve already arrived and hopefully taken into some sort of foster care? It’s not like children ask to be born; they’re dependent on adults to make prudent decisions like “Can you feed me, care for me, love me, nurture me?”)

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. I thought it was morally reprehensible to deliberately bring forth life you cannot afford to feed, especially when you can’t afford to feed the 6 mouths you already have at home.  I did say that people should have as many as they like as long as 1) they can support them and 2) taxpayers aren’t paying to support those children. I mean, we taxpayers didn’t vote to have them, did we?

So now we know that Ms. Suleman is on public assistance, welfare, receiving food stamps. This, in and of itself, is nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone is as financially blessed as others.  Sometimes people fall on hard times. Sometimes people need a helping hand. There’s nothing to be ashamed of for being on public assistance if you’re working to improve your situation in life, but the current evidence shows this doesn’t seem to be the case with Ms. Suleman, who also receives a disability payment from the State of California for one of her original 6 children.

Even Ms. Suleman’s mother understands she doesn’t have the wherewithall or resources to care for 14 children. Ms. Suleman said she’s hoping that friends and family will continue to pitch in. Is that a responsible plan for raising a family that is numerous enough to field a little league football team?